Welcome to the Trashy or Not: Trashy Food Cycle 2007. In this series, I plan on fully exploring the world of microwaveable entrées and bastard foods. Today, we’ll start with Hot Pockets.
Hot Pockets brand stuffed sandwiches were introduced to stores in 1983 and purchased by Nestle 19 years later. There are currently five different Hot Pocket brand stuffed sandwiches and countless “flavors” in production. Being an Italian American, I’m most offended by the “Subs” and “Calzone” categories. (I assume these taste like a sub and/or calzone being thrown up into your mouth…like a pre-chewed sandwich.) Anyhow, the five sub brands are listed below:
>> Hot Pockets
>> Lean Pockets
>> Croissant Pockets
>> Subs
>> Calzones
Have you ever smelled a Hot Pocket while it is cooking in the microwave? It smells like plastic. I know this because my older brother is an avid Hot Pocket consumer. Not only are these people eating sketchy frozen meat nuggets…but they are also green-lighting their decision AFTER they smell the thing cooking. My mind is blown.
I’m going to assume that most people start eating Hot Pockets because they are “quick” and “easy.” Well, so is a grilled cheese made on the stove…with real bread and real cheese. Pasta is also easy. BOIL SOME WATER (it comes out of the tap hot, you’re half way there before you even turn on the burner). Pull yourselves together, people! Being a lazy slob is unattractive and trashy. I know that you don’t have many cooking supplies in your parents basement. But come on, be an adult and start eating big people food.
For further investigation, I urge you to read about a real life Hot Pocket dissection.
