The eternal debate

People fall into two camps in this world: girls who call it "cream" and girls who call it "lotion". Technically, either is correct. If you want to argue semantics, a cream is heavier, heartier and provides a more comprehensive moisturization. A lotion would be appropriate for the summer months or in less arid environs. No matter. They both do the same thing. Why the debate over names?

There's something about the word "cream" that unsettles the mind. Perhaps the implications of dairy products, of a thick unmoving mass of white resembling lard smeared ceremoniously over your appendages while watching daytime television wearing a towel. Cream implies a dedication to post-shower moisturizing that few have. It's an intense experience, one best spent alone, in the privacy of your room, the lights dimmed. Cream usually comes from a tub from Victoria's Secret and smells like fairy farts and flowers.


Lotion is a little more clinical. By nature it's less messy, more utilitarian and practical. You have a thing of lotion on your desk that a coworker gave you for Christmas from Bath and Body Works. It smells like pina coladas. You're kind of embarassed about it, but it comes in handy. If you're not comfortable with changing your shirt in front of your friends, you're going to call it lotion. It's detached, but somehow more accessible. Chew on that.

Which is trashier? It's a matter of taste.